Jackson A+.

Over the weekend, we purchased Jackson a booster seat since he is a big kindergartner and all.  He was quite anxious about it at first, but seemed to calm himself when I took him around the block in his rocket booster blast off seat. 

The morning routine went well.  Jackson was a tad on the sleepy side but everything and everyone came together for AIS (arse in seat) at 7:15.  We all received one last sprinkle of jitter glitter, took the first day of kindergarten pictures, and we were off.  Allison didnt like it.  She pulled on my dress on the way out the door and was screaming for mommy.

We get buckled in and ready to blast off in our new booster seat.

Off we go.  I am completely focused on my new mission (hoping that Allison recovers) and don't notice that Jackson actually did blast off from his seat and is now crawling around in the very back of the van.  I don't think ...What the hey, we are in a school zone.  Not much can happen while driving 20 miles per hour and I didn't grow up strapped in.  I use a raised voice and tell Jackson to get in his seat immediately.  At the light when I can get him buckled back in, he starts to whimper.  I don't think he has really ever heard me yell before.  We get to school and he recovers.

Only the upper grade kids were in the cafeteria and it was very loud in there.  With covered ears, we made our way to our new teachers room.  We are welcomed with open arms and find a place for the backpack and lunch box.  Ms. Teacher breaks out the play-do and Jackson sits down for all of 2 seconds and makes his way to the bathtub.  There is a bathroom in the room filled with frogs and pillows that he claimed as his own on meet the teacher night.  He gets to the bottom and puts all of the pillows on top of himself.  I recognize that he is seeking the input so we just roll with it.  His other friends are entering the room.  Jackson decides that he isnt ready for that so he starts to wander.

Jackson then problem solves...I know.  I will take the door stop and let the door close in your face.  Again and again.

I get a little antsy as this is not the best way to make a friend and other families start to think the same thing.  I get him redirected as the teacher is warmly welcoming all of the her new family.  He doesn't like it.  He wants to go.  He wants to leave.  So he does with the door stop.  I catch him and set the door back up.  We go back to the table to try to meet some friends.  I give him the five minute warning and he starts to whimper again.  It was a sad cry and not the meltdown that I remember so fondly when separating.  He just sat there with his hands over his face as if he was embarrassed to cry. 

I leave him and go to talk to his sped teacher.  This is my safe place.  I see kiddos that Jackson is in group with and parents that I have connected with.  I go back to check on Jackson a few minutes later and he is in exactly the same position at the corner seat of a back table still with his hands over his face.  All of his "friends" in the room appeared to have it all together, talking to each other, introducing themselves, making frogs out of play-doh, etc.

I got sad.  I got mad.  I thought of Jackson's other friends challenged with autism and how this huge transition was just too much.  I got really mad.  For that moment I could only see the autism.  Why and how can't his brain process it all as it should.  I left the school in tears and could not make them stop.  They were tears of anger.

I cried on and off all day long and did a good job of making my co-workers uncomfortable. 

3:00 came and here comes Jackson in one piece with a slight smile on his face.  He was exhausted.  His sped teacher said he had a great day...big thumbs up.  It could not have been better.  He spent almost the entire day mainstreamed without support.  He was shadowed until 9:30 ish and went to specials all by himself.  A huge weight lifted from my shoulders when I saw him.  My brain was starting to process more rationally. 

Jackson will be okay.  It turns out that Allison told Mimi that new school is not so bad anymore.

We fed our hearts and tummies with a first day of school success ice cream treat.  Indeed!

Night,

Stacy